I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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