You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
