he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
