every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
