isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
