STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
