This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So vagazzling was a success
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
