Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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