I wanna passion pit in your ass
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
