i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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