Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
