i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
