I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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