She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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