My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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