Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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