Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
