Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
