If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize