i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to calm my uterus...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
