I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
