I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont even know how to be here
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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