I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
