I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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