Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
