I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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