it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
