i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He passed out mid-signature
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
