Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
