***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
