I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
