i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
