Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
