Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I touched a dick in church today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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