I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize