I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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