He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
