Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
