I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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