After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
