Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it because I queefed?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
