Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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