I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk is not a location!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
