ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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