i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i now understand why vodka
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