he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
