I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
