My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
