I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
