i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
