I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
