What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
