I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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