Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
