if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they're like a gay fantastic four
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
