Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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