i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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