she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
