you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The air was thick with penises
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
