He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
