Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
