i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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