Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
