Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
