Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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