he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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