please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
