i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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