This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
