just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
