The maid of honor just puked.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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