Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
...so i touched it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
