Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
