I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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