I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
