so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
