just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
