I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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