Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
