so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
