Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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